When we think about playing with children, we usually think about the toys involved. But new research suggests that some of the most meaningful and positive interactions between parents and autistic children happen when there are no toys involved at all. 

What the research says

In a recent study involving 78 autistic preschool-aged boys and their mothers and fathers, the researchers compared how the children and their parents interacted during two types of play: play with toys and play without toys.  The primary goal was to determine which type of play led to more positive and engaging interactions between parents and children.

When the researchers compared the play with and without toys, they looked at things like how the parent responded to their child, whether the child was interested and showed enjoyment in the play, and how well they connected with each other. 

For both mothers and fathers, interactions were consistently more positive when parents and children played without toys.  The researchers suggested several reasons why this might be the case:

• Less Distraction – While toys can be a lot of fun, they can sometimes distract children and parents from the interaction, causing them to focus on the objects more than the other person.  
• Focus on Connection – When toys aren’t included in the play, parents and children can focus on each other and share a stronger sense of connection.
• More Tuned-In Play – During the toy-free play, the parents and children often engaged in simple, interactive “people games” like hugging, tickling or singing together.  The researchers found that during these interactions, parents tended to Follow Their Child’s Lead—responding to their child’s interests and ideas—which led to more enjoyable back-and-forth interactions.

How to use the study’s outcomes in your interactions

If you are already playing with your child without toys, keep it going!  If you want to start using more of this kind of play, there are some simple and fun ways to do this: sing songs together, do fingerplays like “Itsy Bitsy Spider”, play peek-a-boo, catch or roughhouse.  These “people games” are a powerful way to build a connection with your child.

You can check out our article about Choosing People Games that Include Your Child’s Sensory Preferences to help you think about people games your child may enjoy.

Here are some tips for when you play people games with your child:

• Start by Observing, Waiting and Listening to your child to get a good sense of what interests them and the messages they may be sending you.
  • Be Face to Face — this makes it easier to Observe, Wait and Listen™ and to feel even more connected with your child. 
  • Once your child communicates or shows what they are interested in, Follow Their Lead by joining in with what they are doing and playing your child’s way.
• Play the game the same way each time, using the same words and actions.  Repeating the game helps your child learn how it works, what to expect next and how they might join in.  
• Play the game many times.  Don’t be surprised if your child wants to play again and again!
• Offer your child chances to participate in ways they enjoy.  Once they’re familiar with the game, encourage them to take an active role.  You can do this by pausing and waiting expectantly—smile, lean in towards them and give them time to take a turn.  For example, while singing the “Wheels on the Bus,” pause for a few seconds before you do the actions for “round and round.”  Your child may reach towards you, make a sound or start the action themselves to keep the game going.  If they don’t take a turn after 5 or more seconds, that’s okay, go ahead and do the action yourself.  You can try pausing again during another part of the game.
• Keep it fun!  Remain playful and animated.  Revisit the games your child enjoys the most. 

Key takeaways

You don’t need special toys or games to have fun, engaging interactions with your autistic child.  As this study shows, some of the best interactions happen when you set the toys aside and simply focus on each other. People games—like singing, playing chase, tickling or roughhousing—create shared joy and invite interaction and communication.

By Following Your Child’s Lead and repeating the games they love, you’re doing more than just playing—you’re helping your child connect and communicate.  And the best part?  You’re already the most important and engaging “toy” your child has!

Explore our full library of resources for parents of autistic children to discover more ways to support connection and communication through everyday interactions.